Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
