All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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