Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
