Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
