Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
