I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
