I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
