i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
