you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
