New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
