I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
