one two three fourrrrnication!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
