The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
