If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
