i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
