Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
