I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
