under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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