These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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