I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
