I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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