she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
