Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
