I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
