Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
