I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
