do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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