she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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