Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How's work?
Spinning.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
