I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
