So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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