Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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