i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
