Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
