What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
