In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
