last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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