went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
