and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
