so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
