you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
