Just took my morning after pill in the library
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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