my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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