with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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