You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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