You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
He did a backflip because drugs
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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