Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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