I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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