Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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