quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
