They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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