Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
