nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
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