Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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