Who did Billy Mays play for?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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