You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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